nutella sex= disaster
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
