are you so shy because you have an std?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
