Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
