If that was your dad, he is hot
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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