first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
