I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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