If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize