happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
