my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
