I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
