Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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