Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
