I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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