I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
