I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
