sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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