I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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