she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
