when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
