He asked me if I "almost moaned"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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