Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This baby is an asshole
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
