is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize