Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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