and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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