At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize