The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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