trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She bit a glass in half.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
