The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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