im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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