totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
