That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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