I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize