I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
