I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
