Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize