your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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