When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
