I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
