so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
