So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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