Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
