i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
