Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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