I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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