I just cut my nipple shaving
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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