she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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