His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
