she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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