my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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