im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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