when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
