Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
