wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
