Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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