I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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