Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
