i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it hurts more in the daytime
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
