She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
