dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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