Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want a musical about memes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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