I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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