so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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