we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize