how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
