Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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