I'm gonna have a badass scar
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize