I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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