Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
