You can't motorboat a personality
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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