using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
