okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
