I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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