i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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